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Airbags

Dateline: 04 October 2005; Chicago.

The White Sox have won their first home playoff game since the 1950s. They defeated the Boston Red Sox 14-2. I'm sorry, did I say "defeated"? They didn't just "defeat" the Boston Red Sox. They stepped out onto that field and completely obliterated the Red Sox. Eliminated them—unraveled them to their base molecular structure and erased any record of their ever having existed. The destroyed them so badly that even their relatives began disappearing, like in Back to the Future.

It wasn't just the score. It was every aspect of the gameplay. Contreras' pitching was absolutely spot-on, an all-time classical performance, one for the ages if it had been in an elimination game. He did give up hits, to be sure—it wasn't that. It was the aggressiveness and imagination of his pitches, the remarkable variation of his repertoire. There was the hitting, everybody contributing. But even take away the homeruns, and the hitting was still superb. And don't get me started on the aggressive, fundamentally flawless fielding.

The White Sox are very, very good. Yes, the Chicago White Sox. But now is not the time for them to become "Chicago's Team."

Cubs Fans! Pay attention. I know you all have the attention span of — well, of Dusty Baker, so I'll make this quick. Cubs fans! Hate the White Sox!

The last thing we need is for you to start mucking up our inexorable march to the World Series with your "Oh, I'm a Chicago fan" garbage. There is no such thing as a Chicago fan. Understand? No such thing. Cubs or Sox. Pick your team. Hate the other one. That's Chicago.

It isn't just newcomers that make this "Chicago fan" mistake. Long-time residents do it, too. These are the kinds of people who have coffee mugs with clip-art baby seals on them because they made their fourteenth $15 donation to Greenpeace. Have minimal social intercourse with these people. If possible, cross the street if you see them coming. At least during baseball season.

The White Sox, although clearly an indestructible juggernaut who are sure to crush all of their American League opponents into a fine powder to be blown away by the winds of Zephyr as they bestride the baseball world like Colossi, cannot win if casual Cubs fans are cheering for them. You people are poison — army of King-Midases-in-Reverse, sprouting donkey ears and turning everything you touch to wilting ivy flakes. For the love of God, don't cheer for the White Sox!

In 2003, every White Sox fan I know cheered like a lunatic for the Atlanta Braves, and then the Florida Marlins. We threw Marlins parties. White Sox fans wore Dontrelle Willis jerseys for Halloween — we swore off seafood as a paean to the sea-dwelling namesake of our new favorite team. I personally threw a big party for the final game, with chilled Champagne and everything. We didn't band together to cheer on the Chicago team. We didn't feel a shred of remorse for our friends, girlfriends, fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters who had been waiting their whole life for a Cubs World Series. We laughed in their faces — your faces. We snickered and cheered. We emailed pictures of the Bartman interference to you with witty captions like, "Mua hahahahaha!" Look, let's call a duck a duck, OK? We hate you. We rubbed your faces in your team's inevitable failure, like an abusive drunk with an incontinent dog.

Really, on a base level, it doesn't make sense, does it? I mean, we could bring it back to philosophy. Contained in the definition of the property "Cubs Fan" is subproperty "Hates the White Sox." It's one of the things that defines being a Cubs Fan. If there were to be a Cubs Fan, therefore, who insisted that they were in fact a Cubs fan, and yet were cheering for the White Sox in a regular season game, do you know what would happen? I'll tell you what would happen. The entire City of Chicago would collapse in on itself and turn into Scranton. So imagine how this is amplified in the playoffs! Ask yourself this, "Chicago fans." Do you really want the city of Chicago, already spontaneously transformed in Scranton, to then double reverse itself back into the City of Chicago for a brief moment before turning into a black hole that begins to suck all matter into itself, except for Frank Thomas who is so dense he is expelled somewhere into the Oort Cloud? Do you really want to be responsible for that?

Look, I know this all sounds very desperate. Perhaps part of it is guilt. And redemption. We Sox fans were so mean, so wicked and evil during the Cubs playoff run that really, we feel guilty about all the negative energy we collectively created in an attempt to destroy your hopes and dreams. Maybe this is just a cry for help, maybe we're just trying to get disciplined, because we were bad.

(Not really. I was just saying that to get sympathy out of you all. Really, you're all a bunch of losers and we don't want your loser juice dripping all over our unstoppable baseball team.)

GB store

Comments

Dan / October 5, 2005 11:10 AM


What kind of name is Ramsin Canon? You sound like a total stroke.

I'll remember this column when you strokes get eliminated. From the front office, players and down to the scumbag fan base, there is nothing worse then White Sox baseball.

Class is something that will never be used in the same sentence with you idiots. Unless we are talking lack of it.

Get bent, "Ramsin".

Kevin / October 5, 2005 11:14 AM

Your reaction is understandable, being unfamiliar with the post-season and all. When the boys in black see the men in black (New York Yankees) then they'll get a taste of real baseball. I hope you're a Blackhawks fan!

Tap / October 5, 2005 11:23 AM

Dan and Kevin-

Thanks for hating as requested.

Ramsin-
Ha loser juice. Classic. Sox Pride beat the Red Cubs

Horsemaster Ralph / October 5, 2005 11:34 AM

Dan your bile and broodiness is more than understandable, you know I think I recognized you as I flew down the freeway today at unimaginable speeds to Get to my destination. That was you right, along with Dustry Bronson and Nomar Manwich and several other notable Cubwards, who I Saw scuttling along the hiways and byways collecting trash for something to eat. But lo, the white sox continue to Be High in Glory toward this week underneath for Red Sox garagejob, ok High and aplenty season to be sure, especially compared to the wet sandwich that your friendy Cubs try to feed you on the regular. There is a time and place for this team and it is knowed as a steel toolbox, have a seat buddy its gonna be a long ride Heh

fizzjob / October 5, 2005 11:46 AM

Kevin,

The Yankees wear blue.

http://www.mlbguide.com/secure/2004/teams/09_NEW_YORK_YANKEES/Default.htm

Enjoy yourself.

Dan / October 5, 2005 12:08 PM

Great article. I loved it.

Cubs fans are one to talk about class. Can you say Randy Myers?

Enjoy your offseason. Its better to get it started as soon as possible to get that urine smell out of Wrigley.

Kevin / October 5, 2005 12:18 PM

Ah fizzjob. Why let facts stand in the way of a good story? For the record, I absolutely love the Sox and the Cubs. I'll root for them no matter what place they're in!

A fan of baseball / October 5, 2005 2:47 PM

Unbelievable.

The White Sox barely escaped The Great Collapse of 2005, and they are magically once again the greatest team to walk between the lines. One blowout does not make the White Sox the unstoppable, undefeatable force you think they are. Red Sox pitching blows. The Idiots offense may not save them this year, but that does not make the White Sox a World Series champion caliber team. If they get past the other annoying Sox team (who by the way or only second to the Yankees as far as buying their way to the post-season), they will most likely meet their fate in the ALCS. And God forbid they make it to the World Series (I can already see the South Side anti-fans parading around the streets yelling "Cubs suck!" instead of "Go Sox!"), the Cardinals will have their way with the White Sox.

Enjoy your blowout victory for what it was, a fluke.

Steven Brandstedt / October 5, 2005 3:26 PM

While funny and (hopefully intended to be) satirical, this kind of diatribe only reinforces the image of Sox fans as having an inferiority complex regarding the Cubs. While I enjoy razzing Cubs fans as much as any one, I don't root against the Cubs. They are a historical, charter franchise who deserves a championship as much as the White Sox. I'll grant some of thier popularity is based on superficial reasons (i.e., Wrigley Field, Wrigleyville, bleacher bums, Ronnie Woo-Woo, Sammy Steroids, er I mean Sosa), one look at the class guys who have played for the franchise like Banks, Billy Williams, Ron Santo, and my all-time favorite Ryne Sandberg (yes, I would take him over the self-proclaimed greatest second baseman Joe Morgan) should be enough to warrant anyone's respect, even this hardened south-sider.

Cubs Are Funny / October 5, 2005 3:27 PM

Ha!...The Great Collapse of 2005? What is that? Check the Stats, Beavis.....The White Sox won the division by 6 games. It can't be a collapse if they actually DON'T collapse. There is no such thing as "almost collapsing". I will let it slide though, as Cubbie fans are unfamiliar with NOT COLLAPSING.

Anyway, Cub fans are funny. I work with many of them up here on the North Side and most (not all) are total baffoons when it come to understanding baseball. I do give them credit though for sticking by their team no matter how often they fail (even though it only hurts their future chances of winning becuase there is no reason for the Tribune Company to invest more $$ in the team if they know they will sell out no matter how bad the fail.)


Anyhow, please keep the "loser juices" away from my cubicle. Thank you very much.

And Go Sox!!

A fan of baseball / October 5, 2005 3:42 PM

When the team was ahead by 15 games after the All Star break and nearly blew it, I think that qualifies as "almost collapsing". Calling what the Sox managed to do with their once dominant season a collapse was a term started by sports writers, not me. I would call it a team resting on their laurels, Garland coming back to Earth, and El Duque returning to form.

This Fan / October 5, 2005 3:45 PM

So, who are the Cubs playing tonight? Oh, right, NOBODY.

dude / October 5, 2005 3:47 PM

i hate the cubs and the sox, but i hate the white sox fans way more.

A fan of baseball / October 5, 2005 4:00 PM

What's with you dopes?

This has nothing to do with the Cubs. Everything baseball related can't be watered down to Cubs vs. Sox. I live in Chicago, so I know all about your stupid hatred of each other. I have been to "The Joan" many times, and, no matter who the Sox are playing or if they are winning or losing, it's all about "Cubs Suck!" What's wrong with you people?

My comment was about not getting to confident because of one blowout. I guess it was too much for me to expect that any Sox "fan" could return with a comment about why their team really is the best team in the post-season. In typical fashion, response from Sox anti-fans boils down "Cubs Suck!"

Horsemaster Ralph / October 5, 2005 4:20 PM

I still see nobody has adddressed my Various points =Y

MC High Life / October 5, 2005 4:27 PM

A fan of baseball: Perhaps those down at Sox Park are sick of goons decked out in Cub gear showing up at the games and rooting for the other team. You see any Sox fans at Wrigley doing this? Doesn't really matter as I'm sure the Sox are happy to take their dollars and put it towards the team. The Tribune Corp. is also happy to take Cub fan dollars and buy yachts for the shareholders.

Seems like Horesmaster Ralph has the right idea. Semper Fi.

Andy / October 5, 2005 4:27 PM

Yep, sox fans do have an inferiority complex about the cubs. It seems to me this sox run in the playoffs is more about one-upping cubs fans than pursuing a championship (for the fans anyway). Sox, you will forever be the Jan Brady to the cubs Marsha.

Ralph (Horsemaster) / October 5, 2005 4:31 PM

yeah the episode where Marsha got hit in the face and had to wear that Rhino nose (laff) nobut seriously I do not advocate any type of violance nose-directed or otherwise toward any type of fan, unless it is one of those lizards with the fanlike flaps of skin around its neck that Spits venom.

vit / October 6, 2005 8:06 AM

I'm admittedly a lackluster baseball fan in that I only really pay attention near the end of the season, but I don't get the neurotic hatred. My loyalties are to the Sox, my first game as a child was in Comiskey and my chicago roots are south-suburban (and to a smaller extent south-side due to some family friends and backgrounds of a lot of my high-school buddies), but I don't hate the cubbies, I cheered for them when that had their run, and I'm cheering for the sox now (now when the Sox play the Cubs, that is another issue entirely ;)

Ramsin - you are quite funny

Ramsin / October 6, 2005 9:23 AM

Go Sox!

Steve / October 6, 2005 9:37 AM

Man, life's too short to hate any team other than whoever the Sox are playing on any given day. Even living within a mile of Wrigley, I find it easy enough to ignore the Cubs. Indifference ain't hate.

Last night at the Cell: superduper electric. Yeah, you heard me: superduper.

waleeta / October 6, 2005 10:01 AM

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!

waleeta / October 6, 2005 10:02 AM

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What I mean to say was, go Sox.

Nancy / October 6, 2005 4:03 PM

I actually had this conversation with my dad the other day. He was asking if I was going to be watching and cheering for the Sox that evening (you have to understand that he doesn’t like baseball nor does he get the rivalry but is a die-hard Bears fan). I told him that I might catch the game because I love baseball but I was indifferent to who won. He couldn’t understand this fact and asked why I wouldn’t want a Chicago team to win. I tried to explain the basis for Cubs fans and Sox fans but it was lost. Just like it is probably lost on these Sox fair-weathered fans which are jumping on the band wagon just like many Cubs fair-weathered fans (from the SOX side) jumped on our band wagon a couple years ago.

To Ramsin:
Don’t think that the few Cubs fans which are cheering for your team make up our whole fan base because maybe your friends threw Anti-Cubs rallies but I know Sox fans that were cheering the Cubs on while watching the playoff with myself and other life-long Cubs fans.

To the fair-weathered fans:
Stay out of both fields! The Cubs don’t want you and apparently neither do the Sox. Go to St. Louis, the wanna be Chicago.

Jimbo Dawson / October 7, 2005 10:15 AM

Well, the duche who wrote this article is right about one thing: there is no such thing as a "Chicago" fan. Both fan-bases hate one-another for completely legitamite reasons, and it will stay that way.

Sox fans are by far the most pathetic, obnoxious, and neglected sports fans in this city. YOU TAKE DENIAL TO UNPARRALLED LEVELS!!
During this "miraculous" 2005 season, you shitheads could only muster an average of 17,000 people to watch a first place team!! That's almost offensive!! It's not that hard to get to Cell Phone Park guys....there's a huge parking lot and it's even one of the "El" stops. Wake Up! Nobody Likes You!

Even after this playoff berth is over, the Sox will still be the easiest ticket in town. I'm sure it bothers Clippers fans that they can't compete with the Lakers stronghold......but losing to the Cubs in popularity contest year, after year, after year? Now that's horrible.

The White Sox are the Neglected Step-Child in this City! You are all Jan Brady's in a town that wants to screw Marsha. Don't you get it yet? If you're proud of the fact that you're a minority..great...more power to ya. But for God's sake, shut your fucking mouths and stop trying to one-up a franchise that will always keep you in it's shadow.

Your stadium is boring, your announcers are painful, YOUR FANS ARE DISLOYAL AND FAIR-WEATHERED. You are jealous of the Cubs local and NATIONAL FAN BASE. We're everywhere and you're nowhere. Right now the Sox are like an ugly little kid trying to ask the pretty girl to the dance. The fact still remains, when the Cubs are rolling....you don't even exist.

Jimbo Dawson / October 7, 2005 12:55 PM

Let's put this argument to bed.

Sox fans are all little napoleon-complexed pussies, jealous of all the great things that surround Cub Nation. It's no secret. People would rather watch the Cubs lose than watch the Sox win ---- that's how removed from reality idiot Sox fans really are.

How quickly people forget the drunken, barbaric, white-trash losers that ATTACKED THE ROYALS FIRST BASE COACH AND AN UMPIRE TO BOOT!! Good Lord. Sox fans just embarrass this great city time and time again. Actually, they embarrass themselves as well.

While we're at it...would anyone really care if Hawk and his dickwad sidekick got hit by a bus? Lose the Southern Twang Hawk! This is Chicago, we don't like rednecks. The best part about the playoffs is not having to listen to these shitheads anyone.

Someone will eventually beat these egomaniacal White Sox and send all these fake-fans back into their holes.... or boxes (ever been to the South side?)

Rick / October 7, 2005 2:27 PM

Hey Ramsin, it's me, Rick. Go White Sox! It's an hour to game three and I am rooting with all my Cubbie blue blood that the White Sox win!!! They are the best! I'll even be watching the game with a stuffed version of that mascot you guys used to have! You know, the one that looks like a retarded Grimace!!! YAY! Go Southside! I made a Carlton Fisk statue out of tin foil and put it in my living room!!! Don't think that means I'm rooting for Boston, because the White Sox are going all the way!!! YAY! I set up "baseball fundementals deck" on my couch!!! Corey Patterson is using it while he watches the game with me!!! YAY! Go Go Good Guy White White Sox!!! YAY!

MC High Life / October 7, 2005 5:26 PM

Lennie Briscoe here, issuing an arrest warrant for Jimbo Dawson. The charge? Being a living ass. Here's to hoping the Cubs and their HUGE national fanbase are enjoying their HUGE attendance trophy. Congrats, man, you made it!

How quickly YOU forget the Randy Meyers incident at Wrigley Field. I suppose that doesn't count though, huh? Why don't you venture on down to the South Side, big man, and we'll have a little chat.

Asshole...

Mike / October 7, 2005 11:18 PM

I don't care what the Sox's record is, they will always be Chicago's second team. I don't mind a Sox fan who isn't a total scumbag. I can appreciate someone who pulls for his team and sticks with them. But I swear almost every Sox fan I know is an idiot. I'm sure their are maybe some Sox fans who have some class and knowledge, but their aren't many of them. Oh and by the way the supposive "Cubs fans" who are now pulling for the Sox, you are all a disgrace to us and our team and you should just be Sox fans. That way they can add more idiots to their fan base. Everyone now is like, "Oh yeh, I'm a Sox fan." You people have very few true fans. Oh yeh by the way Wrigley is just about the best place to go next to go right next to Lambeau Field in Green Bay. I just can't wait till all of this White Sox bullshit is finally over, so everybody can fucus on what really matters: The CUBS '06 season. You idiotic fans deserve to have your team's ass kicked. Like Jimbo Dawson said above, you can go back in your holes or boxes when they are eliminated.


GO CUBBIES! 2006 WILL BE THE YEAR!!!!!!

SOX SUCK! 05,06,07,08etc..........WILL DEFINATELY NOT BE YOUR YEAR!!!

Jeff / October 7, 2005 11:23 PM

GO CUBS GO
GO CUBS GO
HEY CHICAGO WHAT DO YOU SAY? THE CUBS ARE GONNA WIN TODAY!

I will never root for the sox even they do face st. louis in the WS. Not that it would happen anyway. Ozzie Guien in a complete IDIOT. go cubs go in 2006!!!!

Steve / October 8, 2005 11:50 AM

Word is the Wrigleyville bars did brisk business during the ALDS. Must be all the dregs of society driving up from Hegwisch or something, eh?

Kettle, meet pot. If you're going to call someone an IDIOT, at least spell his name right. Guien? Maybe the "L" key wore out on your keyboard from typing "Cubs lose" so often over the years. Yeesh.

I'd factcheck some of the other inane junk here (17K attendance at the Cell, huh?), but I've got a Sox celebration-induced hangover to tend to. Looking forward to two more of them before the month ends, too. Hey hey, holy mackerel!

Chris / October 8, 2005 4:23 PM

Go Cubbies! 2006-our year!

Sorry Sox fans your still living in Cub nation. Your just jealous we have by far the most fans of n e other team. US Celluar Field sucks dick. Hawk sounds like he's drunk when he says "you can put it on the board........" Everything about white sox baseball just blows, and Chicago would be better off w/ out them.

Go Angels in ALCS!

Mike / October 8, 2005 10:21 PM

I am so sick of Sox fans and all their bullshit. When they were about to collapse a few weeks ago I didn't see anybody with Sox hats or shirts on. I didn't hear a peep out of their mouths. I didn't even know they existed. Especially with only half their stadium filled. Now that the Sox are winning, I hear from everybody and their mother about how they have been a Sox fan 4ever. BULLSHIT! Cubs fans are loyal to their team no matter what. Sox fans are the trash of the baseball world and the whole nation knows it. Sox fans are the worst in sports and will always be second to the Cubs in Chicago. That will never change, even if they do win the world series. Nobody likes the Sox and I can't wait for them to fall flat their faces in the ALCS. Burn in hell you bunch of fair-weather, redneck, fans. GO CUBS IN 2006!

Shane / October 8, 2005 10:49 PM

Mike you are so right. The Sox have no true fans and I also can't wait till they come crashing down in the ALCS.

Go Cubs-I'm with em all the way! Unlike the stupid ass sox fans who say they are but really aren't.

soxfan / October 8, 2005 10:57 PM

I am a Sox fan and yes, I do admit, they're aren't any loyal fans over here. I hope we don't lose in the playoffs or else everybody's gonna go to the northside and stay their. I do find myself getting jealous of the Cubs and all their great and friendly fans and there kick ass ballpark. My teams' games are so BORING. If they lose in the playoffs I probably will go to the Northside and stay their for good because I find myself pissed off about this team. Another reason why I am jealous of the Cubs is because they actually play real baseball over there in the National League.(Without the DH)I hate the DH is so stupid!

So for now, go sox i guess........

MC High Life / October 9, 2005 10:05 AM

Mike: Give me a break. Remember how many "lifelong" Cubs fan popped up in 2003? All playoff teams get their share of bandwagon fans. These are the same people that cheered for Boston last year.

You are correct in stating that you see way more Cubs gear than Sox gear. Cubs just have a lot more people wearing their stuff. How many of those peopole are "die-hards" is a point of debate...

soxfan: You claim to be a Sox fan and they say the team has no loyal fans? Welcome to bizarro world. If that's the kind of "fan" you are, we don't need you. Go root for the Cubs.

waleeta / October 9, 2005 4:22 PM

hey "soxfan" - nice try. We all know a cubs-fan-pretending-to-be-a-pathetic-sox-fan-to -prove-a-point when we see it. Another sad attempt from a North side douchebag.

F@&*ing....GO SOX, EAT IT CUBS. All eyes on the Sox, the cubs are loooooooooong forgotten now.

Corey Patterson / October 10, 2005 11:46 AM

This is Corey Patterson, and I just want to say Go Sox. It turns out that I have been paid by the White Sox all season, and for good reason. Think about all of the things that I have done this season that has made you thank god you are not a Cubs fan, not to mention laugh hysterically.

Oh, and Cubs fans, see you in 2006 walking back to the dugout after yet another strikeout.

P.S. Does anybody else think Nick Lachey is super sexy?

Jimbo Dawson / October 10, 2005 4:35 PM

Hey "McHigh Life,"

Which Wendy's do you work at in the "South Side?" I wouldn't want to get confused. See, on the North Side we have real jobs --- and we use our money to go the see the Cubs play baseball games. You probably wouldn't know anything about that...you know...BUYING TICKETS??

Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot...the Sox sold out more games than ever this year!! They blew past that awesome record of 10!! Are you even fucking serious?? 10 sellouts is your record??? That's humiliating. A first place team that can't even top 60 percent capacity, that is truly pathetic.

There are over 9 million people in this City, most of whom are Cubs fans. But that still leaves quite a large number of people who don't give a shit either way and yes, Sox fans. Where the hell are they? You can't expect us to believe that there's something better to do on a Tuesday night down in the South Side can you? It's a reflection on the fans, not the players.

For God's sake! The Sox marketing department has to shove this team down everyone's throat just to get people to notice!! Grinder Ball Rule Number What?? The Kids Can Play?? Do you see the Cubs doing this? Fuck no. We don't need signs on the side of a bus for people to take an interest in our team. How many more arcades, restaurants and interactive baseball gimmicks do you shitheads need to get off your ass and go cheer your team on? Face it, you're Gary, Indiana's team --- not Chicago's.

And by the way...since you idiotically keep referring to Randy Myers --- HE WAS ATTACKED BY A FAN DIPSHIT. The fan was pissed that Myers blew the save, and Myers kicked his ass. I'd much rather see a fan direct his anger towards one of our players than watch you gene-pool bottom feeders attack a helpless coach from the fucking Royals. Remember when that pussie Ventura got his ass beat by 42 year old Nolan Ryan? I do.

Sox fans hate the Cubs because they are so fucking jealous of what we have. But for Cubs fans, there is nothing you have worth envying. We hate you in the same way that someone hates a squirrel running around in their house. You are a pest, a nusaince, an imbecile.

Jimbo Dawson / October 10, 2005 4:55 PM

Yeah Man! Carlton Fisk rules! A Sox legend!Who could forget him willing that home-run to stay inside the pole? Ohhhhh Shit....THAT WAS ON THE RED SOX!

What other team, besides the White Sox, has statues of players that didn't even go to the Hall of Fame as a member of their team!? It's absurd. You don't see Fenway with Babe Ruth statues do ya? Maybe the Cubs should erect a statue of Rafael Palmeiro? Because after all, he was a Cub for a few years. I hear the Supersonics staute of Gary Payton is gonna be wonderful.

Other famous Black Sox players include the boys of 1919. Remember them? The only team to willingly sabotage their own World Series? What a disgrace -- right after World War One too...way to represent Chicago during tough times. Just another scar on your dismal history. It's way too easy to shit on the Sox.

MC High Life / October 10, 2005 8:41 PM

Lennie Briscoe here again. Well, looks like we caught Jimbo but someone needs to call a medic. Possible ailments include high blood pressure, throbbing veins and if I'm not mistaken, a possible heart attack on the way.

Man, calm down. I thought Cubs fans didn't care about Sox fans? Looks like the egg is upon my face. Now is the time to throw some in your direction:

- Sox filled the seats to 71.2% capacity this year, not the 60% you claim. This was an increase of 10.1% when compared to last year. Cubs actually dropped 0.9% when compared to last year. I guess people are losing interest...

- 10 sellouts was the old record. New record is 17. Look for it to climb next year. They are still a ways off when winning that attendence trophy though. By the way, how's that looking up on the North Side? I bet its shined up real nice.

- Sox marketing lets people know the kids can play. The Cubs can't say thing like that since its evident the kids up there cannot play. How's Corey Patterson working out up there? Don't forget Macias.

- I didn't realize bringing up Randy Myers one time counted as several. But you are right; fans rushing the field to attack players is totally fine. The ticket I buy gives me the right, nay, the duty to charge the field and attack anyone who displeases me (well, as long as they are a player).

- Fisk spent more years with Chicago than Boston. He was a 4-time All Star and 3-time Silver Slugger with the Sox. He was beloved by the fans. So what's wrong with putting a statue up of him? I guess it's all or nothing with you. Ryne Sandburg spent some time with Philly so any honor the Cubs bestow upon him is a sham.

- I guess I don't remember the Black Sox. They all died before I was born. But you are absolutley right (again); they are the only team to ever sabatoge a World Series or for that matter, disgrace baseball in any way. All they used to do was twirl their evil moustaches and steal from orphans while the rest of the league donated all their salaries to charity and helped the elderly cross the street. They got got, other people didn't. You think Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire weren't taking steriods? They weren't caught so it's all good.

Dispatch, you can go a head and cancel that ambulance. I tried to talk some sense into Jimbo but it looks like it fell on deaf ears. I'm going to get hit Wendy's up before I head back to the station. Do they still have that big salad bar?

Robert E / October 11, 2005 12:56 AM

FUCK YOU WHITE TRASH
YOU LAST WON THE SERIES IN 1917 AND YOU TALK ALL THIS SHIT
YOU ARE IDIOTIC FREAKS
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME JUMPING ON YOUR BANDWAGON
GO FUCK YOURSELVES IN THE ASS

Hambone Deluxo / October 11, 2005 9:05 AM

We hate you in the same way that someone hates a squirrel running around in their house.

so you're the guy down my block who's always screaming at the top of his lungs, chasing the squirrels down the street with a tennis racket...

soufsider / October 11, 2005 9:16 AM

Wow, they really took it to heart, didn't they? They did exactly what they were told to do. It's beautiful. But I've got to ask, man, who's got the complex?

Leave it to some dude named "Jimbo" to go on about how Sox fans are all white trash and work at Wendy's. Apparently having to shell out $200 to see the Cubs lose is exactly what makes them so great. These guys are probably making a fortune on ALCS ticket resales. Wait, they'll probably show up to the park in all their Cub gear to root for "Chicago." I feel for real Cubs fans who can't shell out $200 a game, the guys who don't work in corporate law and don't have season tickets. Now Sox fans know how it feels.

I'm gonna call Lennie back in to pick up some of these jerks for being rich, white and boring. We can do that, can't we?

North(west)sider / October 11, 2005 9:35 AM

Its really funny when Cubs fans and (White) Sox fans get in a fight... It just makes me laugh. I'm a Cubs fan, and personally, I couldn't care any less about the White Sox. The only time I even think about them is when the Cubs play them (and then I hate them, but only because I hate any team the Cubs are playing that day). Now, if you were all Cardinals fans, I'd have something else to say.... Those fans f***ing suck.

asdf / October 11, 2005 10:48 AM

Sox fans talk about and know more about the Cubs than 80% of the crowd at Wrigley on a game day. You guys are always talking about the Cubs, the way neo-conservatives are always going on and on about Clinton. It's as if you have a secret crush on them or something. The sad inferiority of it reminds me of the way many Chicagoans see the need to crap all over New York City ... who cares? Shut up about the Cubs and just enjoy your baseball, Jeez! Rooting for the Marlins ... what a pathetic, cynical and sad exercise in bitterness and immaturity.

Mike Crary / October 11, 2005 11:38 AM

Sept. 1983, I was the 5th person in line for White Sox playoff ticket, a wait of close to 34 hours. In Sept. 1984 I was 10th in line to buy Cubs playoff tickets. A wait of about 32 hours. For these reasons No one can doubt my allegiance to either team. I follow both teams very closly, but I'm more of a Sox fan. I've always had a great laugh at the fools that hate one or the other. Cubs fans reached a new low showing up a The Cell for a the last season series against the Indians to root for Cleveland. NONE of those people could possibly be baseball fans. "It's a "Chicago Thing" that transends baseball", I'm told. Hummm, I would think it would be a baseball thing that transended a single city. Oh, sorry I used the word think. That implies the use of a brain. Of which anti-fans on both sides obviously lack.
One team or the other making the playoffs allows me to rub the noses of the Anti baseball fans in the duty. So enjoy the ride baseball fans and Sox fans alike. And Cubs fans, What is the attendance at Wrigley today?? :-)!!!!!

MC / October 11, 2005 12:05 PM

WOW! I'd say Jimbo has some other deep seeded anger issues, I didn't know McDonalds employes had anything against Wendys employes. They did have a statue of Lou Brock at Wrigley, but it fell apart, just Wrigley. The attendance thing has grown very thin for an organization that has lost their window of opportunity. They put all their faith and $$$ in Sammy Sosa. Hey wasn't that a good idea? What did they get for that. "0". Oh, but they filled the stands. They left gapping holes in their roster this year. But hey, we fill the stands. What a JOKE!! You can have the attendance I'll take the division champs. every time thank you very much!! As long as the Cubs are owned by The Trib. they will win nothing. So get ready for another long cold winter Jimbo. That Cubs blanket won't help. GO WHITE SOX!!!!!!

MC / October 11, 2005 12:25 PM

Hey Robert E. Thanks!!! Your remarks and language reflect perfectly on YOU and other jelous Cubbie fans and the vast intellect you poses. "White Trash", "Idiodic Freaks",
1917? I think you'll feel better if you go to the Cubbie game today. Oh yeah, THEIR NOT PLAYING ARE THEY!! Ha Ha Ha :-)

The only real joke is the Cubbie fans that thought they had more than a snowballs chance in hell of doing anything this year. After their lack of off season moves.
How many games under .500 were they this year. And how many wins were the sell outs good for?? Not enough I guess. Get a brain, then get a clue.

MC / October 11, 2005 12:25 PM

Hey Robert E. Thanks!!! Your remarks and language reflect perfectly on YOU and other jelous Cubbie fans and the vast intellect you poses. "White Trash", "Idiodic Freaks",
1917? I think you'll feel better if you go to the Cubbie game today. Oh yeah, THEIR NOT PLAYING ARE THEY!! Ha Ha Ha :-)

The only real joke is the Cubbie fans that thought they had more than a snowballs chance in hell of doing anything this year. After their lack of off season moves.
How many games under .500 were they this year. And how many wins were the sell outs good for?? Not enough I guess. Get a brain, then get a clue. GO WHITE SOX!!!!!

A.J. Pierzynski / October 11, 2005 1:25 PM

Hey, Cubbie fratboys - there's a world-renowned university located in the heart of the South Side, and you and your Michigan State communications degrees can't hold a candle to any of the people there.

I guess classism, elitism, and racism (the snotty North Side fan's Holy Trinity) are only fun until you realize that they're all relative, right?

M. / October 11, 2005 2:06 PM

Do you mean you think the Cubs will win in 2006?? Now that is funny.
First they need to loose Baker and Hendry before off season transactions get going. Hendry has proven he hibernates in the winter. Arimis Ramirez is an accident waiting to happen. Trade him for some bullpen help and sign Eric Chavez a real 3rd baseman that will give them the lefthanded bat they need. Let the LAZY Ramirez take his Manny act out of town. If they can get another bullpen arm for Cory Patterson get him out as well. The great starting rotation the Cubs had in the 90's is a thing of the past. 9 mill. this year and 9 mill. next year for Maddox? What a typical stupid fill the seats move by the Tribune. The Braves didn't let him go for no reason. Enter the Cubs looking for a feel good story instead of really looking to improve. What a JOKE!! Is the Cub brass really so inept that they judged Corey Patterson and Todd Hollingsworth along with Jeremy Burnitz to be a quality outfield? They finished right where they belonged 4th place in a below average division. Mark my words, you can expect the same next year. Chasing the Brewers Ha,Ha,Ha.....!!!!!

M. / October 11, 2005 2:09 PM

GO WHITE SOX!!!!

bran / October 11, 2005 2:28 PM

Are you people serious? Insulting a person's name becuase it doesn't sound "real" to you (hello--how ethnocentric can you get?)? Hateful, foul-mouthed attacks on strangers because they don't root for the same team as you?

Sports teams are meant to provide us with entertainment and a model for human excellence. You people are treating them like they're religions or political parties or "subhumans" waiting for their freedom from enslavement. Get over yourselves - and get some perspective.

Gizmo / October 11, 2005 2:48 PM

Wow... so much anger. Is it me, or is life too short to take this stuff too seriously (like many of the ardent posters above)? I am a Northsider who loves baseball… a Sox fan who goes to about 10 Cubs and 25 Sox games a season. I have been going to games in Chicago (and across the country) since a I started playing the game in 1968. I do not cheer against the Cubs unless they are playing the Sox. I also agree that, given certain elements of the park, Wrigley Field is a good place to watch a game. I also realize the Cubs are a storied franchise. However, do Sox fans such as myself "envy" the Cubs… or Wrigley? No. Related to this, I am proud to say of all the Cubs and Sox fans I know, a vast majority would never wear ‘Cubs/ Sox Suck’ on their t-shirt.

I also wish that the average attendance at Comiskey was larger than 24,000 (not 17,000) – especially with a winning team on the field. There are many reasons, perhaps economically based, why Sox fans do not attend. In many respects, it defies logic. The good thing is the Southside is gentrifying, retail and bars will return to 35th street, and the fan base has been on an upswing. Many folks don’t remember, but it was about 15 years ago when the Sox outdrew the Cubs. Sure the Sox fans have their share of faults…. But Cubbie fans also gotta look in the mirror. Since about 1995, the new breed of Cubs fans is not without its shortcomings. More and more, self-proclaimed "die hard" fans have been buying tickets from scalpers and brokers (including the Trib) in a very lucrative market. As one might be aware, the scalper and ticket brokers typically acquire tickets in entire or partial blocks from season ticket holders (the REAL Cub fans). These formerly attending fans have seen their park infested with an increasing amount of no-mind drunks who, for the most part, are not there to watch the game. These tourists and transplants need to be 'part of the scene' standing and waving with one hand, cell phone to the ear with the other. Older Cub fans miss the days of sitting in the bleachers and day games with 20,000 fans in the park. To this end, these are the days to enjoy a Sox fan: a respectable team in a great ball park. The experience (and park) gets better and better and I, for one, pray it does not “improve” too much. However… as we all know, anything can happen in the ever-changing, cyclical baseball world we live in.

Rick / October 11, 2005 9:39 PM

Well put, Gizmo. I would also like to ask the other Cubs fans on here to take it easy. As I read some of these posts I am depressed to count myself among your ranks. You want to rip on the White Sox? Fine. Ramsin was asking for it when he wrote this article; but knock it off with the Southside bashing. I'm not sure of how many of you Lincoln Park/Wrigley monkeys know this (and if you don't it's because you're a hiptser from some no-name town in the Great Plains or a frat boy that has never been outside the 1600 and 4000 blocks), but the Southside is home to just as much, if not more, Chicago history. It deserves your respect. The people who live there have jobs and houses that look just like the ones you wished you lived in on the Northside. Need further evidence? MAYOR DALEY GREW UP IN THE SAME NEIGHBORHOOD COMISKEY IS IN. So grow up you retards, its not fun to watch our rivals play such amazing post season baseball while we watch our Cubs finish behind the Brewers; but sounding off like a redneck (this means you "Jimbo") makes attending Wrigley seem even less fun than the Cubs sub-par performances.

Jimbo Dawson / October 12, 2005 12:15 AM

First of all, why don't all you Sox losers come back to earth for a minute, okay? One playoff victory since 1917 doesn't put you in a position to act like this is something usual for the Sox. Quite the contrary, this season is highly unusual. Since 1980(our lifetime), it's the Cubs that have spent more time in the playoffs and have won more games.

Sorry guys, your arguments against Cubs fans don't really work. We are by far the most loyal fans in baseball --- and I don't think there's a fan-base out there that knows more about their respective team. True Cubs fans, like myself, dislike the Tribune Company as much as you do. We have no control over how they spend our ticket money. Just like everyone else, we hope they use the money liberally and put a damn good product on the field. Cubs ownership has it made, because the fans will simply never stop coming, supporting, and believing in this team.

If the Sox organization wasn't so fucking boring, maybe you guys would have a similar problem. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THE ABSCENCE OF YOUR FANS(especially when you FINALLY get a team that was able to beat the Twins or Indians). It was also YOUR Bulls-Dismantling, shithead of an owner that was singing carols with Bud Selig during the unfortunate strike year when the Sox were "like, so good dude." Jerry Reinsdorf led the army of owners.

Sox fans, and players for that matter, are a bunch of cum-swallowers. When that massive Sox slump occurred during September, I didn't see the bombardment of Sox gear that I see on the streets lately. But they managed to hold on, and now it's "yaay, I've liked the Sox for years!" Haha. IT IS YOUR FANS that are fair weather and pathetic.

All Sox fans can do is circumvent the criticism somewhere else. "Cubs fans don't know anything about baseball!" "Wrigley is just a huge bar!" "Cubs fan don't care if they win or lose!" Sound familiar? This is coming from a fan-base that went from a record high of 10 sellouts to 17 sellouts this year. And 6 of those were probably against the Cubs!! Wrigley sells out 17 times by April 17th, get the picture?

Believe me, Cubs fans know where our team has problems, we don't need you faggots telling us who's good and who's not. The Cubs and their fans are a part of this City's culture --- you are a part of it's subculture. There's nothing that you can "make up" about Cubs fans that will change the fact that yours really, really suck.

So go ahead, rip on the Cubs all you want. Nothing will ever change the fact that our legacies, for better and worse, are more a part of Chicago than you will ever be.

I'm out. See all you Cubs fans next year at the best park in world, watching Chicago's team hopefully win the division once again.

 

About the Author(s)

Ramsin Canon covers and works in politics in Chicago. If you have a tip, a borderline illegal leak, or a story that needs to be told, contact him at .

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